journal entries

health is wealth and I'm broke

March 13, 2024

I ran for the first time in years yesterday. Walking my minimum of 7,500 steps took too long, so I decided to run. Plus, if I wanted to join the rest of the late 20- and 30-something club, I need to get started with my marathon training. I can proudly say I ran in intervals for almost two miles. After, I stretched for the first time weeks. Sufficed to say, I'm sore today. However, my physical struggles do not stop there.

My allergies are kicking my ass. I mentioned my nasal issues in the previous entry, and I decided to quit taking my daily allergy pill because I realized that I had rebound congestion from it. That was the side effect that made me miserable. Armed with that realization and reddit comments saying that quitting Zyrtec after being on it for years made them hella itchy, I decided to stop taking it. No itchiness so far (besides this rash on my neck, god I'm a mess), but I feel vulnerable.

I have no clue what I'm allergic to in this house. My bet is on the living room couch cushions. However, that doesn't explain the sneezing fit I get sometimes in the morning and only in the morning. Lounging in bed at night scrolling through Reddit? Perfectly fine. Waking up in the morning thinking about so many things? Sneeze attack. This is so unfortunate given that I slept like a baby last night. I didn't even use a nasal strip for the first time in weeks because I wasn't congested! I knew the happiness wouldn't last long...

When I'm physically unwell, I act like the stereotype where men are useless when physically ill. You know, it's like they're practically dying. That was me today on the couch. Zombified with tissues shoved up my nose to soak up the torrential downpour of mucus. I'm glad my body loves me, but the allergic reactions can be so dramatic. I'm getting annoyed with how raw the skin around my nose is getting. I will need to see an allergist eventually, but let me get my health insurance sorted out first.

Anyway, so far, tracking my protein intake and getting back on the treadmill has not brought up weird feelings, (TW: I had undiagnosed orthorexia in high school) which is great to see considering I'm technically in recovery. I just feel excited that I'm moving my body again. I've been going to the gym with my boyfriend to lift weights, which we were supposed to do together today except I had awful allergies. I love our gym time together and the fact that he can adjust the squat rack for me because I am short with a weak upper body. My man, my man, my man...

To end on a positive note, I'm excited for the start of a new astrological year! Aries season is upon us! Also, I was able to knit yesterday and today after close to two weeks of healing my thumb. I've also been working on the Fristopher's Playground part of my website. I'm considering making a separate site for it, but it lives within this one. I decided to create pixel art of clouds and a rainbow arch for the header. Making pixels using my trackpad makes my wrist cramp up. I'm happy I'm able to create and make progress with many things, anyway!

Danielle

it feels like spring

March 5, 2024

My favorite season is spring, but there has always been an undercurrent of sadness and tension when the weather gets warmer for me. I'm compelled to blame the transiting sun and natal Saturn conjunction that occurs in my chart at spring equinox, but I think it's because I have this own personal pressure to prepare for summer, which is a season I associate with having unbridled fun. Why I can't enjoy spring as it is? No clue. My disappoinments stem from my own expectations and not sitting with the present, and I'm painfully aware.

With this reminder, I will try to be mindful. I will take it day by day, but honestly, that's the easiest way to live given that I'm not sure what the future holds at this point. A job opportunity? Moving out? Marriage? An end to my suffering from nasal dryness? No fucking clue. I'll just vibe and work on things that I know for certain bring me joy and try not to spend my money on things I will 100% regret afer purchasing.

Which brings me to my next dilemma: Baggu has me in a chokehold. The Keith Haring collection dropped today, and I bought a 3-pack of the standard reusable shopping bags and a gingham hearts baby reusable bag. I'm not proud, yet the patterns bring me so much joy. Also today, I finally got the Baggu mini shoulder bag I ordered from Poshmark in the mail. The colorway is pink and pistachio in a pixel gingham print. I'd describe it more as a bright spring green and lilac.

Baggu Mini Shoulder Bag ౨ৎ Sour ౨ৎ Baggu Mini Shoulder Bag Collection ft. Sandy Liang Collab ౨ৎ Baggu Mini Shoulder Bag ౨ৎ Pink and Pistachio Gingham Pixel

Do I need a new bag? No, I don't need anything related to clothes and accesories whatsoever. Did I mention it was supposed to be a low buy year? Once Aries season starts, I promise I'll be good. Pretty promise. Especially with the fact I have three of the same bag in different colors. I can't even justify the fact that they're roomy and easy to clean. Who cares? I have other bags from the same brand too in other colors. Is this my version of a Stanley cup?

I've been consumed with web design activities lately, to the point that I exhaustedly crawl into bed at 5 in the morning. No, I've not skipped my nighttime daily showers, but I've been skipping more hair washing days which is a crime in my world. Instead of washing my hair every other day, I've been doing every two days because at 4 A.M., the last thing I want to do after washing my hair in the shower that late is to use a hair dryer. Then, I regret it in day 2 after I feel like a greaseball and I'm slightly overheating. If I don't wash my hair, my body has a hard time regulating my body temp. Strange. Also, having straight, fine hair means that my hair gets oily easily, and no hair training will "fix" it. Trust me, I've tried for 10+ years.

I would knit instead of staring at a screen for 10 hours per day, but my thumb keeps cracking. The friction of the cotton yarn against my skin in this dry climate and with my naturally dry skin has been causing major cracking. These wounds take a week to heal, and that's if I'm perfect and don't use my thumb in any way whatsoever. However, I'm a person who's always doing something like chores or crafts.

Today, when I was taking pictures of my Baggu mini shoulder bags, the slight movements were so bothersome to my delicate skin that the wound split open again. Of course I didn't know that I was bleeding until I saw a streak of blood on one of the items I was holding. Then, I noticed the blood on my sheets, the purse, AND my new plush keychain.

I even wrap my thumb in medical tape to prevent chafing, which helps a ton, but not when there's still broken skin. It needs to be 100% percent healed before I can partake in knitting activities, or I guess even holding things in my hand. That's my knitting update of the year so far because I've had 10 cracked wounds on my thumb since like January 3rd. At this rate, I won't be able to finish my one and only knitting project until summer.

I've also been struggling with dryness in my nasal passages. It's causing allergy-like symptoms, and it's debilitating if I don't take enough precautions. I know my allergies have gotten worse, but the irritation and congestion comes from the dryness caused by the daily allergy meds I started taking recently. Guess it's a chicken or the egg type of thing, and I'm tired of it.

All that to say, I'm doing alright taking it day by day. I have things to do that I love with my heart and soul. I feel like a kid again discovering the world and feeling creative. It's fun to create, and I'm satisfied digitally and materially. I love how far along my website has come, and I'm excited about my knitting project. I'm knitting my first raglan style top, and I have plans to duplicate stitch a design I made on the front. Learning new skills like these keep me engaged and happy and excited.

I feel so genuinely passionate for the first time in a long time. This is the type of breakthrough I had been wishing for last year in 2023 when I felt lost, hiding away from the world. Now, I feel like a sproutling pushing up through the dirt toward the sunshine, intrinsically knowing where to go, what I love, and how to grow.

Danielle